[Editor's Note] The 'R' In Spiral: Divorce The Republican Party

You know what’s more embarrassing than Trump? The average white American man. Think Ohio Senator JD Vance and House Speaker Mike Johnson who are upset about divorces. Late Millennials and Gen X’ers with an axe to grind about their own parents' failings. Vance’s mother married at least three times. Johnson, who was the product of a teen pregnancy, saw his parents divorce as well. But, I digress.

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House Speaker Mike Johnson of Louisiana

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Ohio Senator JD Vance

No, actually I don’t.

Now I hear the chorus of “Not All” rising. Yea, there are some good ones. I married one, but even he has his struggles.

Then, there are the JD Vances and Mike Johnsons who want to trap poor unsuspecting trad wives into marriages that leave them knocked up and financially dependent, in what I call a serious “eww brotha eww” moment. If you don’t know what that means, look up the sound byte and put JD Vance’s face on it.

Fuck these guys. The destruction of their family structure had nothing to do with the ease of divorce, but probably everything to do with the guys they revere and call, “dad.”

Apparently there is a growing group of — wait for it — Republican men who want to make getting a divorce harder. You guessed it, Vance and Johnson are singing that tired, childhood trauma dirge loud and clear instead of seeking therapy.

It’s this kind of projection that too many men, particularly white Republican men get trapped in. 

Never has it been more obvious that Republicans have jumped the shark past Reagan than right now. The twice-married Reagan signed the first no-fault divorce bill into law as Governor of California in 1969.

And to make this bid to snare women into tragic unhappiness and baby production more ridiculous, they want the thrice-married, multi-extramarital-affairs cad Trump as their leader.

We are living in very stupid times, people.

My question to Republican voters is, what do you really stand for? Don’t say “American values” because what does that mean? If it’s about the American family, who is the blueprint because it can’t be Trump, can it?

If it’s about fiscal conservatism, how do you explain tax dollars funding silly fights like abortion that keeps tax dollars funneling into legal fights when it would be cheaper to fund healthcare without limits.

It can’t be about religion because most of these folks talk a lot about God but do the very opposite of the teachings.

So please tell me? What is it?

Here’s my guess. You don’t even know yourself, and I know why.

Have you heard of the game Three Card Monte? It’s a game where cards or a ball under a cup gets shuffled around while you try to guess where your card or the ball is.

That’s the Republican platform.

Modern Republicans have no actual intention of helping American people or families, but they will shuffle the cards of manufactured rage and get you all angry about abortion, immigration, or family values but never actually tell you what those are.

You’re never going to guess where the ball is.

Remember when being a Republican meant something?

It wasn’t a party for whiners but people who actually stood for something identifiable. Reagan did it. George Bush, Sr. did it but somewhere the messaging got lost in the foolery.

It’s been a long time coming. Nixon got it started when he hopped in the cesspool of the Southern Strategy and Reagan sealed it when he cupped the fuzzy balls of evangelical ministers.

Now the Republican party is every bit as stupid as predicted, maybe more. I don’t think most folks who identify with that “R” want to be perceived that way though.

To be fair, and with some bit of compassion, I get why these folks are hanging on to this mess of a party. It isn’t about any of those values, immigration, or abortions.

It’s about the past and sadly, it’s a past that won’t ever return and the people who should be speaking for them are zealots with attention deficits and mommy/daddy issues.

But what about “our guns.”

It’s the ball again, sorry folks. It’s bait to keep you strung out on this stupid carnival ride. I’m definitely not trying to convince you to become a Democrat, that’s another fucking mess in itself but I would like to urge you to think bigger than what you’re being fed by these people.

Think past them. What is the America you want? Write it down. Does your dream match theirs?

Do they even tell you what they want and how they will actually get you there?

If it's a series of rage bombs, I’m just going to say to you, that’s a big ass red flag and this relationship is a doom spiral.

If this is a story about divorce — it is and it isn’t — America needs to divorce Republicans.

BTW, Vance and Johnson, here's a tune by a woman to heal your hurt little man souls.