Advice: Savage Love
DEAR READERS: Last week was made of problems. The bombing of the Boston Marathon, the explosion that leveled a small town in Texas, the rising tide of antigay violence in France, the North Koreans being North Koreans. And when I sat down to write this week’s column — while the manhunt was still under way for the second bomber in Boston — it occurred to me that the last thing the world needs right now is more problems. So instead of the usual sex problems, STI problems, CPOS problems and DTMFA problems, this week I’m only running letters from people who don’t really have problems. Because we could all use a break.
Q: No problem here. I’m a straight 36-year-old guy. My wife has always been great about indulging my kinks — some femdom role play, lots of OTK spankings, rare D/s three-ways — so when she announced at age 34 that she had a kink of her own, I regarded it as my mission to make it happen. We just got back from a trip to see a safe and trustworthy friend in Los Angeles who “paid” me to have sex with my wife. (He put 20 $100 bills on the bar at the hotel, but it was money that I had given him.) My wife was so turned on, but she was also grateful. When it was over, she kept saying how much she loved me for being the person who made her paid-for-sex fantasy come true. People who stand in the way of their partner’s fantasies don’t realize what they’re depriving themselves of — so much love and gratitude!
Her Sub Pimp
A: Thanks for sharing, HSP!
Q: Whenever this female college student studies, she gets incredibly horny! At peak times during the semester, when I am constantly reading or studying, I find it almost impossible to go more than a couple of hours without having to masturbate. The more aroused I get, the less focused I am, so denying the feeling is not a solution in my experience. But there are definitely times when my productivity is negatively affected by my need to relieve myself. I have an active sex life! I am not bored sexually or mentally! Is there a physiological explanation for this?
Lady Hits The Books
A: Some people are turned on by completely random shit, LHTB, and no one quite knows why. Probably something to do with our big brains — I mean, just think of all those billions of nerve endings, all those synapses making connections, all those formative childhood experiences that get all synapsed up and become adult erotic obsessions. Think of all that and then count your lucky stars that studying turns you on. If there were a way to bottle and sell your kink, LHTB, no one would ever need to take Adderall again.
Q: No question here, just a thank-you. Last week, my 16-year-old son told me that he has a crush on his best friend … who just so happens to be a 16-year-old boy. I’ve known he was gay since he was about 4, but without your column, I don’t think I would’ve been prepared for his “revelation.” You and your readers taught me the importance of letting him know that I will always accept him, love him and support him in any decision he makes. The best part: He wasn’t really worried about telling me he’s gay; he was worried that I wouldn’t let his crush spend the night anymore. (And he was right to worry!)
A: After reading that you intend to “support (your son) in any decision he makes,” I started to compose a mildly scolding response in my head. (“Why would you do that? Gay kids, like straight kids, need their parents to be their parents. Your son needs you to meddle lovingly, to criticize constructively, and to help him pull his big gay head out of his big gay ass when it needs pulling. And it will, PM, because gay kids make bad decisions, too.”) But you made it clear at the end of your letter — he was right to worry about those sleepovers being over — that you aren’t confusing “support my gay son” with “sign off on any damn thing my gay son wants.” Well done, PM!
Find the “Savage Lovecast” (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.