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Raised Relief

Sound bites of reason

According to my star chart, the water bearer of Aquarius was chased out of the sky blubbering the final verse of “Kumbayah” to usher in the dawning of the Age of the Smartass whos

Fables of the Deconstruction

Gravity

A few days before the seasons changed, Jupiter appeared on the horizon, quite visible to the naked eye, closer to Earth than it had been in 30 years.

Summary of My Discontent

I’m sorry for causing this recession

Obviously, I did not cause this recession overnight. I planted the seeds of our economic ruin back in 2001, when President Bush asked us to shop.

Don't Ask, I'm Telling

Making headlines

What do an award-winning political humorist, a beef-tipped superstar beauty, and the University of Louisville all have in common this week? No, they aren’t all gay.

Raised Relief

Watching the detectives

When we were boys whose only jobs were falling off our dirt bikes and telepathically communicating with animals (I was the beastmaster in the crew, another kid had superhuman speed), my friends and

Fables of the Deconstruction

How little we know

We don’t see each other any more unless someone dies or gets married, and people aren’t getting married so much anymore, not at our age.

Keeping Up with the Jones

The religion lie and its consequences

More recent readers don’t remember that the genesis of this column was a highly publicized conflict I had with local ministers and members of their flocks a decade ago.

Summary of My Discontent

Mandatory fun

On a grassy Hoosier hillside, a towheaded young lad rode his Tonka truck into the perimeter of a puppy that was tethered to a stake.

Don't Ask, I'm Telling

Choose your own adventure

Based on the few real-life awkward situations bestowed upon me in the past week (which specifically regarded my sexuality), this exercise is meant to engage you, the reader, in an exploration of op

Guest Commentary

A man of no country

“The nights are sleepless and full of exotic dreams,” I told my cousins when only one week remained of my stay in Africa.