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October 31, 2012

Election 2012: 21 Answers

From Big Bird to Secret Warfare

1) What notoriously outspoken state senator said, “I don’t know if they controlled them, I don’t even know if they were real planes,” when asked if he believed government remote-controlled planes crashed into the World Trade Center on 9/11?

Perry Clark

2) Fill in the blank: During the final presidential debate, Obama mockingly explained to Romney, “Governor, we also have fewer ______ ___ ________ because the nature of our military’s changed. We have these things called aircraft carriers, where planes land on them. We have these ships that go underwater, nuclear submarines.”

Horses and bayonets

3) What Hoosier posed in a Canadian tuxedo holding an ax for a Tea Party group’s “Hunks on the Right” pin-up calendar?

Richard Mourdock

4) According to Romney, the 47 percent of Americans who do not owe federal income tax believe they are:

a) Muppets

B) Victims

c) Canadians

d) Pirates

5) The use of these unmanned aircrafts has increased fivefold under President Obama, resulting in a substantial number of civilian casualties in Pakistan.

Drones

6) The one monumental, world-ending, catastrophic issue that received zero attention during this year’s presidential debates?

Global warming

7) From whom did JCPS school board candidate George Tolhurst (who would love to bring religion into public schools) jokingly say he would take money from if it improved education?

a) al-Qaida

b) Salvation Army Bell-Ringers

C) The Devil

d) The ACLU

8) At the prompting of comedian Stephen Colbert, U.S. Rep. John Yarmuth once proclaimed the following is the best way to dispose of a kitten “if you don’t have a shovel or a garbage can”:

a) Humane Society

B) Woodchipper

c) Craigslist

d) LEO classifieds

9) What congressional candidate worked at a gas station and was a beauty queen?

Shelli Yoder

10) As governor of Massachusetts, what did Mitt Romney consult in trying to find qualified women to fill cabinet positions?

a) Victoria’s Secret Catalogue

b) Match.com

c) Book of Mormon

D) Binders

11) Kentucky town where Vice President Joe Biden flashed his best Cheshire Cat smile while batting around Paul Ryan like an injured bird.

Danville

12) Name the Tea Party congressional candidate from Kentucky who posted the following on Facebook during the presidential GOP primaries (only to later say he is no longer of that position): “RINO (Republican In Name Only) Romney is favored in NH due to the socialists from MA that have migrated into that state and diluted the last bastion of New England conservatism.”

Thomas Massie

13) How many media credentials were issued for the vice presidential debate at Centre College?

a) 300

b) 1,000

c) 2,000

D) 3,000

14) How many students are enrolled at Centre?

a) 340

B) 1,340

c) 3,400

d) 10,340

15) In 1983, Mitt Romney drove 12 hours with his family’s Irish setter on top of the car (in a kennel equipped with a windshield, the candidate later noted). What was the dog’s name?

Seamus

16) What dubious list maintained by President Obama was Florida Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz, chairwoman of the Democratic National Committee, oblivious to as of two weeks ago?

Kill List

17) How tall is Big Bird, and why does Mitt Romney want him dead?

a) 8-foot-2; he wants to reduce the deficit by cutting funding for PBS, which makes up 1/10,000th of the federal budget

b) 249 centimeters; because things like learning and sharing are for liberal sissies

c) 8 inches; OK, he actually loves Big Bird, but saying he would eliminate funds for Public Broadcasting is easier than having a more nuanced debate of the deficit

D) All of the above

Bonus Round: Metro Council candidate Marilyn Parker edition …

18) How does Marilyn Parker believe liberals are trying to indoctrinate our kids in school?

a) Organic school lunches

B) Deviant sex education

c) Fact-based science

d) World theology

19) The District 18 Republican candidate believes “America’s descent into _______ is happening with breathtaking speed.”

Marxism

20) In 2010, Parker sought (but did not receive) the Republican nomination to oppose this congressman whom she accused of having a “socialist agenda.”

John Yarmuth

21) Finish this sentence for Marilyn Parker: “President Barack Obama is a secret ______”

a) Agent

b) Ninja

c) Mormon

D) Muslim