Baby D's Bagels
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April 25, 2006

What a Week

You’re nuts and so are youA U of L biochemist launched a company to market a test he invented that will tell people whether they’re likely to develop schizophrenia. While there’s currently no cure, the professor believes people will want to know their propensity to develop the mental disease and there’s probably good money in it because each customer potentially represents multiple sales.Junk food amuckPETA launched a new anti-KFC site targeting Yum Brands investors. The site, yuminvestors.com, features clandestinely filmed videos of chickens being brutally nuggeted alive against a concrete wall by vicious workers. Meanwhile, Papa John’s International announced plans to join the junk-food industry’s rush to supersize and Americanize the rest of the world by directly investing in China, where billions of hungry neo-capitalists have until now been able to only fantasize about the American Dream of double-stuffing their arteries with plastic cheesefood and hairy pepperoni.A mighty windKentucky is gearing up to get into the wind business, and we’re not just talking about this year’s congressional races. Two companies plan to set up a factory in Morgantown that will build windmills for the burgeoning worldwide alt-energy market. Kentucky’s location and employment base make it a good spot for manufacturing windmills for use elsewhere. However, a company spokesman who has obviously never heard Terry Meiners’ radio show said Kentucky does not have enough sustained high winds to make it a good spot for actual wind farms.College goes on downlow for $11MWhat’s the going rate for going gay? For the University of the Cumberlands, it’s $11 million dollars. In a civil-rights victory in a red state, the University of the Cumberlands readmitted a gay student after the university caved to public pressure and abandoned its previously pronounced anti-gay moral principals so it could stay in contention for $11 million in state funding. The bi/curious dalliance passed a hurdle when Gov. Fletcher refused to veto the spending, the constitutionality of which will now be decided by the courts.BY JIM WELPjimwelp@gmail.com