January 29, 2008

Imaginary Conversation: A Hummer shows up to last week’s unveiling of the newest Smart Car

Scene: A Hummer shows up to last week’s unveiling of the newest Smart Car, intent on getting a peek. The two come upon each other outside the men’s room.Smart Car: You’re ugly, and your mom dresses you funny.Hummer: I WILL CRUSH YOU.SC: Sticks and stones, buddy, sticks and stones.H: I WILL CRUSH YOU.SC: And such a nice vocabulary, too.H: I WILL CRUSH YOU.SC: Howzit feel to be the worldwide symbol of greed and indifference?H: I WILL CRUSH YOU.SC: I can tell you, it feels pretty good to be the international symbol of How Things Can Be Done™.H: I WILL CRUSH YOU.SC: Weren’t you named in the Mitchell Report?H: I WILL CRUSH YOU.SC: I get 30-40 mpg. And you make me look highly efficient by contrast. H: I WILL CRUSH YOU.SC: Have you seen my instrument panel, and how my passenger seat folds for storage? I am cooler than a Cooper.H: I WILL CRUSH YOU.SC: Did you know I’m damn near a Mercedes Benz?H: I WILL CRUSH YOU.SC: You’re done. Through. The Germans know about $4 gas, tight parking spots, dark beer and English soccer hooligans — some of your cousins, no? Once the Americans get it, it’s over, dude.H: I WILL CRUSH YOU.SC: Nothing can save you now … unless they come out with a Bill Clinton signature model. I hear he’s a little busy these days ...