February 24, 2010

The sweet white nectar and my black nationalist jont

Ah, the sweet white nectar. Uncle Ruckus, a character on the animated series “Boondocks,” explains it this way when evaluating the Kobe Bryant sex scandal several years ago:

“Now I know exactly what happened to Kobe. Kobe caught that white fever. White fever get in your blood, man, it’ll make you crazy … They got the thongs all up the booty crack and they got that sweet white nectar. (He closes his eyes.) Oh Lord have mercy. (He starts sweating.) And after that, it’s over. You wake up and you don’t even know what you done done. Just a pool of sweat around your ankles and a deep sense of satisfaction.”

Maybe that’s what John Mayer was talking about in a recent Playboy interview. My favorite was the revelation that he was addicted to Jessica Simpson’s sweet white nectar. Mayer said, “That girl, for me, is a drug … Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm.”

Hey, we’ve all had that one person who does that to us … but “sexual napalm”? Damn, Jessica’s nectar must be FIRE!

Beyond that fun, a couple of quotes got some folks screaming racism. The first was Mayer’s response to what it felt like to have a strong black fan following. Mayer reflected on “why black people love me” using a weird “hood pass” and “nigga pass” analogy (literally using those phrases). He concluded, “I can’t really have a ‘hood pass.’ I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’”

It seems to me Mayer was trying to make the point that he really can’t understand what it’s like to live in a black world, because we suffer indignities that he never will experience because of his skin color. As the president said about Harry Reid, maybe Mayer’s intent was good — his language was just “clumsy.” I don’t know. I do know that whenever white brothers cross into using the term “nigger” (or any of its variations), they’re pretty much toast.

The next Mayer quote was his response to not dating or being attracted to black women:

“I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fucking David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.”

Hmmm. Interesting. Depending on how one reads this, one could conclude that Mayer is intending to start dating black women, not avoid them. Rather than continue using the words “dick” or “cock,” I’ve got a better word for our purposes here — “jont” (pronounced like “don’t” with a “j”). My college crew, “The Members,” created the word. Depending on context, jont can mean anything. Trust me, you’ll catch on.

Mayer calling his jont a white supremacist got me thinking. Seems that we may have a double standard going on with this one. If a white man says he doesn’t date black women, he’s a racist. If a black man says he doesn’t deal with white women, he’s puffed up (at least by black women). Is this fair?

I mean, really, if Mayer has a white supremacist jont, my jont definitely has black nationalist tendencies. Granted, I’m not one to approach many women. I guess I’m just shy like that. Thankfully, a few black women have helped me out by approaching me (or I’d have been a perpetually lonely fellow). Conversely, I’ve had very few white women approach me. Maybe they just don’t like me. Maybe it’s selective distribution of the sweet white nectar. Maybe they intuitively know that my jont is immune. Who knows?

Of course there was one girl in grad school who brazenly said she wanted to sleep with me because I was seen as “the black man’s black man” who had never dated a white woman. Clearly, she was intrigued by the challenge. Then there was this fascinating blonde whose favorite line was, “You rock, Doc. You inspire me.” But my black nationalist jont, feeling some strange and undefined sense of loyalty to the race, always resisted. So, if Mayer is a racist … am I?

Mayer is now in a struggle with his “David Duke jont.” Good luck, bro. Maybe I need to have a serious heart to heart with my “Marcus Garvey jont” as well.

Visit Ricky L. Jones at www.rickyjones.com, and see him every Monday and Thursday at 10 a.m. on The CW’s “Louisville Live This Morning.”