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December 16, 2009

Reflections of an ex man-whore

I usually don’t get into the tabloid stuff, but I’ve got to weigh in on the revelation that Tiger Woods is a man-whore. Wow!

I’ll admit it: At first I thought the whole damn thing was funny. Squeaky-clean Tiger stepping out with club hostesses and waitresses, sending freaky text messages, crashing cars at 2:30 in the morning, and lying in the street half-knocked out, snoring and barefoot. You can’t make that up.

As time goes on and people continue taking judgmental potshots at Tiger, it’s becoming less comical. As Tiger spiraled, the conversation eventually (as it always seems to) turned to men in general — specifically, why we are such whores. A recent USA Today article was entitled, “Why some men keep cheating.” As is often the case, a woman wrote the piece.

Let me speak as a man (which is rare for a man these days, in a world in which most men have been softened to the point of making me vomit). Does anyone else think women psychoanalyzing men at every turn and, in effect, telling us that they know us better than we know ourselves is a little off? Maybe someone should ask men about men every now and again. Don’t forget to give us room to tell you the truth you say you want without demonizing us.

I know, I know — my tone offends you. I am a Neanderthal sexist, a disrespectful, angry fellow who hates women because I think men have the capacity to speak for ourselves. I’m screwed up because I remind you that women cheat, too (and are pretty good at it, by the way). Go ahead and send me your nasty little notes. Take your best shot. It’s no secret that I don’t give a damn, so go for it.

As one of my old friends used to ask women during his own man-whore days, “You want me to tell you the truth, or you want me to make you feel good?” Well, as an ex man-whore, I’ll take a stab at telling a man’s truth about this whoring thing. I encourage others to weigh in. Remember, I’m not putting any quality to this. I’m not supporting or condemning stepping out. I’m just offering a few reasons why some men do it.

1) Monogamy may not be natural. Seems to me there’s a whole lot of cheating happening on both sides. Maybe many human beings just aren’t hardwired to spend the rest of their lives with one person. That at least deserves a little conversation.

2) Men must deal with the externally constructed idea of a “good man.” Get a good job, get married, have kids, and dote on your family (especially your wife). That’s it, that’s life, that’s all. That scenario just doesn’t work for some men in the long run.

3) Some men submit to relationship ultimatums. This leads to many men getting married too soon or submitting to a deep relationship to keep a woman they care about in their lives. Some are targets of the borderline obsessive dream of many women to get married as soon as possible. Unwise.

4) Some men may sincerely be sexually unfulfilled in their relationships. Husband after husband complains that as soon as the ink is dry on the marriage certificate, sex goes the way of the T-Rex. C’mon, stay sexy! Say that’s shallow all you want, but good sex matters.

5) Relaxation. Sometimes the women we’re with get on our nerves. Some people really are nags and browbeaters. We just want to spend time with somebody cool with no strings attached sometimes, plain and simple. I’m sure women feel the same way here and there.

6) Most men don’t trust women. That includes the women we’re with. We know many of you do dirt, too. So we have our own safety nets just like you have yours.

7) Access. Women offer “it” (a lot depending on who you are), and we were never taught to turn it down. Learning to say “no” isn’t easy.

Take heart, there’s good news: Most man-whores eventually get bored with it and retire.

Oh, one last thing: Please remember that Tiger cheated, he didn’t kill the Pope or blow up a nursery. He may be a man-whore, but he’s not the devil. So take it easy.

 

Visit Ricky L. Jones at www.rickyljones.com

You preachin'!

By minkiap
@Ricky: Boy you betta preach! Now, here's how I weigh in on this whole issue. 1st things first: Tiger Woods. Now, I'm a conspiracy theorist at heart, so you can take my opinion with a grain of salt. I happen to believe that there are certain "enlightened ones" who controls the media and who obviously has it out for ya Boy Tiger! I'm wondering who Tiger pissed off, because he was at the top of his game and now all of a sudden he falls from grace? The media is having too much fun with this one. Perhaps he didn't pledge his allegiance to said "enlightened ones" or pissed them off, and now has to pay pentance. Trust me, after he has been humiliated thoroughly they will "allow" him to reclaim his throne. Now this doesn't relieve Tiger of his responsibility to keep his marital vows, but who among us does not have sin? Let that man or woman be swift to cast a stone. The media tells us who to love and who to pass judgment upon and we like "entranced idiots" follow their command. Next, women cheat as often as men, we are just better at it. Stone me if you must but more and more, this is coming out. We lie better than you guys. Sorry, its the truth! Monogamy may not be natural: I think we all as human beings struggle with something. For men it may be sex, for women it may be lying. at any rate we all struggle. I can go on and on, but this is what I really want to say. I don't think anyone has a RIGHT to cheat; however, I feel that if men keep telling us women what we can do to help them, then why not listen? We women have more issues than Eve and we are some bitter, nagging, man-eating, mean-spirited, issue-laden sistas who always blame men but never take accountability for our actions. Like come on, why do we call men dogs? Sista, you the one who had to have that dog, and you the one who laid down with him and opened your legs, and YOU wanna blame him? So if he's a dog, what does that make you? And I'm sorry, but you have a bunch of babby-daddies and 4-5 chilren AND unresolved issues and you want a REAL man? Puhleez! All you got to bring to the table is what's between your legs? Sorry but the Poonannie comes a dime a dozen. I mean, at lease have your house in order. Then we trap a brotha and let all hell break loose when the real woman comes out after the marriage vowels. Again, I'm NOT condoning cheating...I'm just saying, Sisters, wake up! Some of ya'll are so downright nasty and combative! Lastly, when I go to the gym, I don't typically see the sistas, because so many of us have that, "I'm too busy, he just have to take me as I am or...blah blah blah. My resonse? Fatty, get your lazy, trifflin, excuse-makin behind UP and tighten up that body. Now the brotha don' told you, he'd reeeeealllly like for you to tighten up your body. Sheesh! Help a brotha out. You don't keep yourself up, won't work on what Pookie, Ray Ray, Man Man and Momma 'nem done to you and making your po hubby pay for all their sins, can at least just tighten up the bootie and breast-ess-sis! And don't get me started on the whole holdin out on sex. What the H E double hockey sticks????? That's some mess. My ex hubby used to have to come up fo water and air and say, "Momma I'm not a machine!" Cause I kept that fool in BED! Sheesh. If you dont' satisfy him, somebody else WILL, Trust me. So um ya'll can get mad at me, but that's just my 2 cents. Now chew on that and holla @ ya girl. Momma's listenin'! Momma Kia

An Offered Suggestion

By erin1908
Dr. Jones (referring to you as Ricky still just seems so awkward since I was a student of yours at one point in time) I find it quite ironic yet entertaining that you would respond to this article; therefore, I will try my best to stick to the subject at hand. As far as these “suggested reasons” you mentioned above, they may very well be true, and for the sake of simplicity we will assume this is the general thought process of a 'man-whore'; this leads me to suggest that the ‘man-whore’ pursue a woman of a like mind. Don't pursue women who value monogamy or anything else that resembles an honorable relationship. Instead, go after the women who share the same views on relationships so that it is fair to each party. Pursue a relationship with someone who also doesn’t mind sharing their body with random people, introducing the possibility of contracting numerous STD’s to their partner, and lack the ability to commit to anything in life that they can not control (such as a relationship). Link up with other woman with like insecurities so you can be a thorn in each others side; leave the women alone who otherwise do not have time for you to get tired of riding the freak train and eventually ‘retire’, only because you have now come to realize your not the young stallion you ‘use’ to be (which was arguable from the beginning). I find it hard to believe, especially given the way Elin has reacted to the news of Tiger's actions; she shares in his same view of what constitutes a respectful honorable marriage. Tiger should have married one of the women he cheated on, because apparently they also have no respect for marriage. But of course he wouldn't, and neither would any of the other 'man-whores' out here that choose women like Elin to marry while frolicking with the ones they SHOULD have married. In closing, my argument is not against being a 'man-whore', it’s toward the men who know they are whores but choose women who want closed, monogamous relationships to enter into relationships with and marry. Bottom line, 'Man-whores' should be with whores. Haughty AKA

You have many interesting

By alicewonderland42
You have many interesting points here, so many couple need Marriage counseling but refuse to co-operate and get some instead letting their marriage slowly rot. Yet men do always seem to get the blame everyone it is in fact everyone’s fault for being lazy and uncaring.

They just haven't seen it

By willis
They just haven't seen it well. It should take some observations until the case is settled. free advertising |employment|student jobs