March 30, 2011

Fake Issue: Recently Reviewed

MCDONALD’S, 1212 W. Broadway, 584-7046. The super-sized jugs of Diet Coke here are known to cure hangovers. Of course the side of fries and two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickle, onion on a sesame seed bun help ease the pain as well. (Rating: 75)

TEXAS ROADHOUSE, 6460 Dutchmans Pkwy., 896-8646. Yes, you can throw peanuts on the floor. When you’re done making a mess, you gotta try the orgasm-inducing cheese fries. Tell ’em it’s your birthday and they’ll put you on a saddle. Giddy up! (Rating: 95)

WAFFLE HOUSE, 4320 Bishop Lane, 458-6434. Are you a chunked man, or do you like your tots smothered? Enjoy diner-style fare made with grease from the 1950s. Go after midnight and watch the sassy staff herd the flocks of hungry drunks. (Rating: 80)

APPLEBEE’S NEIGHBORHOOD GRILL, 2225 Taylorsville Road, 459-0784. So your parents are in town and are wary of any local restaurant touting fresh, real food. They don’t mind having Bigfoot-sized carbon footprints, so you might as well just grin and bear it. Stick to the appetizers here and order a tall cold one. It’ll help you fill out your new shoes. (Rating: 70)

FRISCH’S BIG BOY, 4800 Shelbyville Road, 897-9818. The mystery of the Big Boy sauce is as elusive as the Colonel’s special ingredients. If you’ve got a good thing going, though, what’s the use in dissecting it? Just sit back and indulge. Don’t forget the vanilla Coke, and leave room for the hot fudge cake. (Rating: 85)

DAIRY QUEEN, 611 Winkler Ave., 637-3186. I have a question for the new mayor: Why don’t Louisville and Southern Indiana Dairy Queens offer chocolate soft serve? An Oreo Blizzard just doesn’t taste the same with plain old vanilla. If you’re up for a road trip, the nearest Queen offering the chocolate swirly is in La Grange. Tell ’em we sent ya. (Rating: 82)