Bar Belle: Wastin’ away again in Louisville
Oh, money. Who needs it? Apparently I do, according to my bank account. Looks like I might need to revamp my escort service or scale back on happy hours. It also means no extravagant vacations for me this summer — no jaunts to the French Quarter, no Vegas adventures, no visiting my brother in San Fran. I blame many things for this predicament, lastly myself. In addition to a new car payment and all the Derby shenanigans, I had to cheer the Cards on to victory earlier this spring. If I wasn’t perched at my table at Dundee Tavern every single tournament game, I swear they wouldn’t have won. I think Pitino owes me at least a grand.
But I’m not going to wallow in self-pity or throw rocks at the rich. I’ve vowed to pick up a bartending shift somewhere, make a budget and stick to it, and stop buying useless things like frozen yogurt, Taylor Swift songs and vegetables. I’m also going to make the most of this summer and spend it with fun people. Besides, a night out with a good group of friends is better than being stuck on a sinking cruise ship. And if you choose your venue carefully, there are several spots here that make you feel like you’re day drinking in a tropical hot spot. (My accountants have been warned not to cut anything from my “day drinking” budget.)
Most places along River Road are exceptionally “beachy” and give you that Destin sensation — and it’s not just because you know most of the people there. Captain’s Quarters (5700 Captains Quarters Road) and KingFish (3021 River Road) are two examples of places that make you feel like you’re not in Louisville anymore, Toto. Of course it also depends on what you drink, so I’ll suggest the Miami Vice at CQ and the pina colada at KF. Grab a table for happy hour and chill out watching boats sail by as the sun sets over the Ohio — or just go to make fun of bad hair and butchered Buffett tunes.
Further inland, it’s all about the patios and decks. If you can ignore the hourly train drive-bys, El Mundo (2345 Frankfort Ave.) is a decent spot to grab a margarita or four and split some nachos. Over in Lyndon, Joe’s Older Than Dirt (8131 Lagrange Road) has a huge outdoor area with corn hole and pool tables, and I’ve even seen a makeshift game of quarters pop up from time to time. Down the street at R Place Pub (9603 Whipps Mill Road), you can literally put your feet in sand while sporty patrons pound the volleyball back and forth. And speaking of volleyball, Stooges Bar and Grill (7123 Grade Lane) in the South End has a few courts and many buckets of beer to spare. They even open at 6 a.m. to a thirsty crowd of third-shifters … and a few day-drinking experts. You can’t drink all day without starting in the morning, right?
Back in the Highlands, a few establishments are getting fancy with the décor and drinks. Big Bar (1202 Bardstown Road) recently acquired a super-charged ice machine that you typically only find at beach bars. So far they’ve made a delicious pina colada and a frozen cosmo. The Barret Bar (1012 Barret Ave.) has installed a swanky new outdoor bar, and across the street at Monkey Wrench (1025 Barret Ave.), they’ve completely renovated their upstairs deck, making it one of the city’s best tiki bars. In fact, the renovations are so new, they haven’t publicized it yet — I hear a grand-opening party is in the works. I recommend stopping in on a Wednesday night when beach music sets the tone and bartender Jared is shaking up a Mind Eraser, mojito or pina colada.
So there are nine suggestions off the top of my head on making this a bearable (beerable?), cheap summer. Buy one of those handheld misting fans, and you got yourself a ticket for one to paradise.
Drunk Texts of the Week
• My seals are lipped
• I loves my women freshly shavens
• Mess with this bitch and I’ll take down the whole trailer park
• The allergies are so bad, I’d like to turn my meth back into Sudafed