BoomBozz Taphouse
$20 Worth of Food for Only $10!
June 5, 2007

The Plain Brown Rapper: Nosh this: a stew of opinions

Another launched skyrocket“The son of our leader has fallen” was the way I began the prayer at our Friday morning men’s meeting at Highland Baptist Church last week. Our leader, Pastor Joe Phelps, lost his son to smoke inhalation. Robert McAlister, 25, has gone to a better place: Heaven.Joe and Terri Phelps will mourn the untimely death of their child, of course, but as real Christians, they will rejoice as well. As the Brit lead singer for the Satanic band Christian Death once told me when I asked him the meaning of the band’s name, “You Christians should welcome death, no?” Yes.Joe is a frequent guest columnist for LEO; you’ve probably read his stuff. (Highland Baptist Church services are held Sunday mornings at 9 and 11 a.m., Friday nights at 7 p.m.) Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.Iraq attackI sent Secretary of Defense Gates a copy of my column wherein I volunteered, gratis, to teach hand-to-hand combat to our soldiers.So far, no response.Like many people are volunteering to go to Iraq?English as a first languageIt has been said that English is England’s gift to the world. It has been said that the first duty of a citizen is to speak the King’s English. It has been said by Winston Churchill that there should be an English-speaking coalition (United Kingdom, U.S.A., Canada, Australia, New Zealand and former British colonies like Nevis, Bermuda, St. Kitts and so-forth).As a member of the Louisville branch of the English Speaking Union, I agree with all of the above. With gusto.Congress has voted English as our national language. As it should, because nothing divides people more than language (see Tower of Babel).I get pissed off every time I have to make a selection: English or Spanish. Learn the language and assimilate — like the Germans, Italians, Croatians and other immigrants.But, you know, just for fun I successfully retrieved $20 from a bank figuring out the Spanish words. It would be nice if we were a bilingual country, like most others. Knowing a second language allows your thought process to age well. Da? Ya? Pravda? Si? Word?John Yarmuth for PresidentI was one of the guys who persuaded a reluctant John Yarmuth (“only he is fit to govern who would rather not”) to take on Congresswoman Anne Northup. I shamed him, telling him the night before to put up or shut up. Be the man in the arena. Start making policy or shut the fuck up with your lopsided, predictable take on things.John has kept every promise he made during the campaign.Like JFK, he has that inert charisma.Like JFK, Yarmuth declines his salary, giving it to charity.Like JFK, he’s young and independently wealthy.Like JFK, John is quite electable.Yarmuth for President — 2012.Campaign finance revolutionMitch and I felt differently about the McCain-Feingold campaign reform legislation. He not only voted against it, he was party plaintiff in the U.S. Supreme Court trying to overturn it when the legislation was passed. In most measure, despite “money is speech” sentiments, the Supremes upheld the legislation.My take on it is this: Here’s something you don’t know. The McCain-Feingold legislation DOUBLED the minimum, per-person contribution to $2,000, and bundling is still OK.Campaign finance reform is a cash cow for lobbyists, lawyers and the landed. We need campaign finance revolution.Here ’tis: Limit contributions to $100 per family (no “bundling,” where 3-year-olds can contribute to McConnell and others — not for sale, mind you, just for rent).Also, there should be hours and hours of free TV, radio and newspaper time and space. Am I being too hard on Addison Mitchell McConnell Jr.? Nah.I’ve got a lot of nice things to say about my once dear friend. Fair and balanced. I might even endorse Mitch next year, like I did in 2002.Re-elect Gov. Fletcher!Here’s the lowdown: Ernie Fletcher has been an enlightened leader since forever. Counseled by the Wise Ones, like my good friend Larry Forgy, he’s done well by us. Thanks, Guv. Won’t you please lead us for another four years?But anyway, I’m Carl Brown, Louisville’s Plain Brown Rapper, and these are just my own damn opinions. If you don’t like it, sue me. Just consider what I opine about and know that I’m a happy guy. And keep that hate mail coming! Contact the writer at plainbrownrapper2001@yahoo.com