The Bar Belle
You might be hungover if …
•After 35 minutes, you still can’t find that damn little coffee guy in The Coffee News.
•You wake up with your clothes still on, contacts still in, surrounded by Taco Bell wrappers.
•You’d choose a glass of water over a bottle of Grey Goose.
•You can’t form compound sentences.
•Conjugating verbs is out of the question.
•By the time you compose yourself and prepare to enter the outside world, it’s already nighttime.
•The numbers on your alarm clock are way too bright.
•You utter, and seriously believe, the following four words: I’m. Never. Drinking. Again.
•You experience PTSD-like flashbacks of the previous night’s debauchery throughout the day.
•After checking your phone’s outgoing messages, you experience deep text regret.
•You can’t get your contacts out because your hands are shaking.
•You believe the only cure is a fountain Coke from McDonald’s.
•You know you should feel embarrassed, but you’re not sure why.
•Your ankle is swollen and your pride is bruised.
•You think perhaps busting out the running man while dancing on the platform at Connections may not have been the best idea of the night (see previous entry).
•You make a list of hangover symptoms for your column that’s due in an hour.
Something major is happening at Slugger Field tonight, and they’re naming a drink after it. The Triple-A All Star Game begins at 7:05 p.m. The “All-Star Cocktail,” the event’s signature drink, consists of Old Forester bourbon (ironically first bottled in 1870, the same year pro baseball began), lemonade and orange juice and garnished with a cherry. Now you’ve piqued my interest! Let’s play ball.
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