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June 27, 2006

Video TapeWorm: Releases through Tuesday, July 4

THIS WEEK’S TWIN PEEKS:DOCTOR WHO — THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON2004; DVD $99.98, URNot the “first” First Season with doddering William Hartnell, this is the newly “resurrected” First Season from 2004 starring Christopher Eccleston as a perfect doctor and perky Billie Piper as his latest companion, Rose Tyler. A fabulous and oh-so-welcome return to the tube that bubbles with the joy and goofiness of the Tom Baker years, but updated to include more cheezy special effects and a darker storyline. Now the last of the Time Lords, the doctor is the only survivor of his planet’s destruction at the hands of the evil Daleks. Alone and slightly mad, he finds comfort in the friendship of an English girl, whom he takes on splendid adventures throughout space and time.THE MATADOR2005; DVD $28.95, RPierce Brosnan, desperate to shake his James Bond image, is an absolute delight in the lively, goofy and unpredictable tale of an unstable hitman and the hapless businessman — a grossly underrated Greg Kinnear — he gloms onto. As good a buddy comedy as you’re ever likely to see, Brosnan is at his scene-stealing best. Highly recommended.BABES IN THE WOODS2006; DVD $9.98, URA quartet of no-budget full-length indie soft-porners, much of it filmed in the European hamlet of Lesbian-Gothiac. The titles include “Killer Erotices,” “Babes in the Woods,” “The Bel Air Bitch Project” and “Babes II: Lost in Beaver Creek,” which wins our coveted Vermicuform Wiggle of Achievement Award for Best Title.BABY BOY2001; DVD $19.97, RUMD-release for the Sony PSP of director John Singleton’s final chapter in the “Boyz N the Hood” trilogy starring Ving Rhames and monomonikered “Tyrese.” Unemployed Ty has two babies by different women, yet lives at home with his mother until her new boyfriend moves in and he learns what it takes to be a man. Everything the hundreds of generic inner-urban gang/rap shoot-’em-ups released each year want to be, but just ain’t got the ’nads for.CHARLIE’S ANGELS — THE COMPLETE THIRD SEASON1977; DVD $49.95, URTrue fans of T&A remember the third season of “Charlie’s Angels” as the only one to feature Kate Jackson, Jaclyn Smith, bodacious Cheryl Ladd AND a return by leonid lass Farrah Fawcett (-Majors), who had dropped out in Season 2. Fine, fine Farrah — whose famous “nipple-poster” still adorns our office bathroom — had moved on to do big-budget movies, but was contractually obligated to three episodes this season. Anyone remember “Somebody Killed Her Husband?” How ’bout “Sunburn”? Didn’t think so.GANTZ: SEASON 2 BOX SET2006; DVD $69.98, URFamous for its attention to blood, guts and alien gore, “Gantz” has long held a place in the hearts of hard-core anime fans. If we have to tell you more, you’re probably not interested, anyway.KINKY KITTY CONTEST2006; DVD $15.79, URStraight-up full-frontal, back-al, side-al and crotch-al nudity by stunningly endowed — if slightly skanky — specimens of female pulchritude, the likes of which simply don’t live in or near Louisville. (Sigh.) Gangs of gratuitous fun from the wacky pervs at the Hot Body Clubhouse. Masturbatory overachievers can check out www.hotbody.com or any good vidstore for a complete line of products.LAST QUARTER2004; DVD $29.98, URA fabulous subtitled love/ghost story from Japan. On the eve of her 19th birthday, pretty Mizuki’s world falls apart. Dazed and confused, she finds herself drawn to an abandoned house and a mysterious guitar-playing man within. But she is unaware that this house holds a secret that stretches back to her birth, and that she has only until the quarter-moon to save herself from a dark fate.MARILYN HOTCHKISS’ BALLROOM DANCING & CHARM SCHOOL2006; DVD $26.96, PG-13Even after we tell you about it, you won’t understand just how good this little flick is until you see it. Conman John Goodman gets out of prison and heads for a childhood rendezvous that he thinks will turn his life around. But fate steps in, sending stranger Robert Carlisle in his place. And it all ends in dance. With Marisa Tomei, Mary Steenburgen, Sean Astin, Danny DeVito, Donnie Wahlberg and more.MIAMI VICE: UNCENSORED2006; DVD $14.99, URNo, not the old TV series; and no, not an unrated version of the new movie. This is a cable-TV doc, a.k.a. “True Stories of The Miama Vice Squad,” about fighting the real-life drugs, hookers, gambling and blistering sunburn in and around the crappiest town in Florida.STONED2006; DVD $19.98, R/URIf the name Brian Jones doesn’t mean anything to you, then pass right on by, loser. The rest of us know that Jones was one of the founding members of the Rolling Stones, a true party-animal who set a standard for (mis)behavior that may never be topped. What happened to him? Kicked from the band, he was found dead at the bottom of his swimming pool ... and the police didn’t even bother looking for clues! They just wrote it all off as “death by misadventure.” This biodrama has no Stones music, sadly, but the rest is pure rock melodrama.THE LIBERTINE2005; DVD $28.95, RJohnny Depp, sans pirate locks, portrays John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester, a true-life carouser, abusive, drunken womanizer and all-around jerk of biblical proportions who wasted his life and fortune back in the heady days of Restoration-era England. Lots of great Oscar-targeted costumes, acting and cast, but overall a bit of a downer.TOMCATS2001; DVD $14.95, RA new, cheap price on an underrated little comedy from a few years back. Jerry O’Connell and Jake Busey are the last of a clutch of confirmed bachelors who have made a bet that pays a fortune to the last one to wed. Each has schemed to get the other betrothed by any way necessary; dominatrix librarians, Vegas mobsters, trips to a sperm bank — whatever it takes to get the money. Costars Shannon Elizabeth, Bill Maher, Jaime Pressly and Amber Smith get bogged down in an overload of bathroom humor and dumb “Porky’s” sex-gags, but there’s still a fun flick in there somewhere.OTHER DVDS OF INTERESTLUPIN THE 3RD — THIEVIN’ AIN’T EASY2006; DVD $24.98, URREAL PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN2006; DVD $14.99, URTHE ROY ROGERS SHOW: VOL. 22006; DVD $4.98, URA more complete listing and free vids at www.videotapeworm.com!