January 9, 2007

Video Tapeworm: Releases through Tuesday, Jan. 16

THIS WEEK’S TWIN PEEKS DIE YOU ZOMBIE BASTARDS! 2005; DVD $19.95, UR What’s this about? We haven’t seen it — cheap-assed Image Entertainment won’t send us a preview — but what a title! They tell us it’s a gore-comedy about a good-hearted serial killer who dons a cape (made of hippies!) to rescue his wife after she’s kidnapped by a megalomaniacal scientist, out to turn everyone into mindless zombies! With music by legendary one-man band/rockabilly pioneer Hasil Adkins, floods of scalding cheese and musical cues when to scream “DIE YOU ZOMBIE BASTARDS!” Our kinda movie. THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING 2006; DVD $28.95, R/UR A prequel to 2005’s remake of the Tobe Hooper classic, showing crazed cannibal “Leatherface” as a child, documenting his rise to chainsaw superstardom. Frankly, this whole franchise leaves us cold. The original is one of the most powerful and frightening experiences ever put on film. And this back-story, which had the potential to add depth to the tale, only serves to raise the icky-bar a notch higher. Not that you care, do you? Lots of blood, gore, torture and other things to make the evening news seem more palatable. Enjoy. 24 SEASON 6 PREMIERE 2006; DVD $14.95, UR OK, this is getting out of hand. Contains the first four episodes of Season 6, plus — and here’s the big “come on” — a never-before-seen 12-minute preview of the next episode. If you find this irresistible, you should seek professional help. NOW. COUNCIL OF THE GODS 1950; DVD $24.95, UR Based on true stories of international corporations collaborating with the Nazis to profit from the torture and death of thousands of people, this famous drama from East Germany has never been more timely. But what makes it even more powerful is the fact that it was made BY THE NAZIS THEMSELVES as propaganda, to show how vitally important the death camps and immoral medical experiments were to the future of mankind! Incredible. DOCTOR WHO: THE COMPLETE SECOND SERIES 2005; DVD $99.95, UR David Tennant from “Harry Potter” becomes the 10th Doctor — far too soon for our tastes — to continue the longest-running sci-fi franchise in TV history. Billie Piper returns as his companion, Rose, and together they protect Queen Victoria from a werewolf, witness the extra-dimensional birth of the Cybermen and — best of all — are visited by the Doctor’s most popular companions, Sarah Jane and K9. EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH 2006; DVD $28.95, PG-13 Dane Cook, Dax Shepard, Andy Dick, yada yada yada — the only thing you need to know about this is that Jessica Simpson bounces around looking absolutely edible, her big eyes staring soulfully at the camera ... uh, where were we? Oh, yeah, the movie sucks, but give her credit: The gal knows how to look good, play dumb and crack jokes about her chest. GOODFELLAS 1990; DVD $28.95, R Re-issue/HD-treatment of The Best Damn Mob Movie Ever Made. Da’ Godfadda? Fuhgitaboutit! Goomba Martin Scorsese brings Robert De Niro, Gina Mastrogiacomo, Ray Liotta, Joe Pesci, Lorraine Bracco and Paul Sorvino together over a terrific script based on real events from “Wiseguy” author Nicholas Pileggi, and synch it to a wicked “oldies” soundtrack, to make movie history. You go and buy it. Capisce? GRIDIRON GANG 2006; DVD $28.95-38.95, PG-13 The Rock’s latest grunt-fest has him playing an actual character: a frustrated juvenile probation officer who introduces his charges to the joys of sports as a way to keep them from robbing, raping and murdering people. This being the movies and all, he succeeds. Won’t change your life, but kinda fun. PERTH 2004; DVD $22.95, UR A dark thriller of the first order about fate and the life and redemption of a down-and-out Singapore taxi driver whose dreams of moving to Australia are complicated by his attraction to a Vietnamese prostitute. SEVEN SWORDS 2005; DVD $24.95, UR Seventeenth-century China was dominated by the Manchurians, who outlawed martial arts as a means to stay in power. This led to runaway lawlessness and an army unable — or unwilling — to control the chaos. Within this world a rogue swordsman and his disciples try to save a village from destruction. STUART GORDON PRESENTS BOX SET 2006; DVD $49.95, R William Shatner hosts three of Gordon’s best — “The Pit and the Pendulum,” “Castle Freak” and “Deathbed” — before interviewing horror’s most entertaining director in this four-disc set filled with making-ofs and outtakes. THE ANIMATION SHOW: VOLUMES 1 AND 2 2003; DVD $26.95, UR Mike Judge (“King of the Hill”) and Academy Award-nominated animator Don Hertzfeldt created “The Animation Show” to “bring animated shorts into more proper theaters than any other program in American history.” This two-disc set contains 32 of the world’s best-animated shorts from around the world plus bonus goodies and commentary by Bill Plympton and Corky Quakenbush. THE PROTECTOR 2006; DVD $29.95, R Tony Jaa of “Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior” fame returns in this sort-of sequel in which he travels to Australia to fight a gang of thieves and return a kidnapped elephant. Other DVDs of Interest ALLO ‘ALLO!: THE COMPLETE SERIES 6 2006; DVD $34.95, UR PROOF: SEASON ONE 2004; DVD $29.95, UR RISING DAMP: SERIES 3 2007; DVD $24.95, UR SPACE ACADEMY: THE COMPLETE SERIES 1977; DVD $29.95, UR THE ROYLE FAMILY: THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON 1998; DVD $24.95, UR A more complete listing and free vids at www.videotapeworm.com