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December 26, 2012

Advice: Savage Love

An after-Christmas miracle

Q: I just started an intense relationship with a guy who has a boyfriend. This guy and I love each other. However, he is uncomfortable with me meeting his boyfriend. I’ve asked if it’s OK that we’re fucking, and he said they’re in an open relationship. I asked if it’s OK that we’re in love, and he said yes. So why the secrecy? My lover’s only explanation is that his boyfriend doesn’t want to know about the guys he fucks around with. Should I just relax?
The Other Person

A: Monogamous couples have one rule about fucking other people — “don’t fuck other people” — but nonmonogamous couples have all sorts of rules, and sometimes a particular couple’s rules make it hard for a third to verify that the partnered person he’s sleeping with is, in fact, in an honest relationship. That said, most couples with a “don’t want to know about the other people you’re fucking” rule also have a rule against getting emotionally involved with the other people they’re fucking. So if it’s against the rules for the guy you’re seeing to introduce his boy-on-the-side to his boyfriend, odds are good that swapping “I love yous” is against the rules, too. Someone is being lied to here. Either this guy is lying to you about being in an open relationship or he’s lying to his boyfriend about not getting emotionally involved. Whichever it is, I don’t see a future for you with this guy — or much of a future for him and his boyfriend. But to answer your question: No, don’t relax. DTMFA.

 

Q: I’m a feminine, submissive dyke. My girlfriend is amazing, and our sex life is awesome. The problem is two of my friends. I’ve formed a pretty tight trio with two hot, funny tops. I’ve got tiny, manageable crushes on them. My girlfriend knows, but she isn’t bothered by it. The problem? My friends are fucking each other. They’re also in happy open relationships with other women. Sounds great, right? Even though they’re great friends most of the time, they leave me feeling like the third wheel once in a while. How can I remind them that I’d like a little more platonic attention friendship-wise?
Satisfied Under Butches

A: I suppose you could sit your friends down and say, “Hey, when you two move out of your friends-in-open-relationships-with-benefits honeymoon phase, I could use a little more friends-without-benefits attention.” But there’s almost no way to say that without coming across like a jealous bag of dykenuts. So I would urge you to hang back and trust this honeymoon phase will pass, and these two friends will have more time for you.

 

Q: My hubby is 62 and I am 52. We are empty nesters now and love it! We are experimenting sexually, but my blowjobs don’t do it for him. I’ve watched videos, read articles, and bought flavored lube. He loves having his balls licked while I jerk him off. But what can I do about my blowjobs?!?
Ho Ho Ho

A: My advice: Lick your hubby’s balls while you jerk him off. Your husband either can’t get off from a blowjob alone, or your blowjobs just don’t do it for him. In the interest of marital harmony, let’s give your blowjobs the benefit of the doubt and assume your husband is one of those guys who can’t be gotten off by blowjob alone. If you love sucking dick, go ahead and blow your husband. Telling him the blowjobs are for you will take the pressure off and — who knows? — he may enjoy it more.

 

Q: I’m a Canadian 25-year-old gay man in a four-year relationship with a 22-year-old. Over the course of our relationship, we’ve explored each other’s kinks. The sex is amazing. The problem: He has this fantasy that I’m having trouble pulling off. He wants me to piss in his ass. But peeing while erect is not my forte. I’ve tried, but I have to concentrate on peeing to actually go. I just can’t think of what more I can do to fulfill this fantasy. Do I need to just learn how to pee while erect or is there an easier way?
Dripping Out Urine Confounds His Enema

A: I’m going to assume you two are in a committed relationship, that you’ve both been tested and have either no STIs or the same STIs, that neither of you is having unprotected sex with anyone else, that you rarely eat asparagus or beets, that you don’t plan on doing this in front of your pets, etc.

I feel like Santa Claus right now because I have the perfect toy to put under your tree. (Your tree is still up, right?) Go to forttroff.com, search “ass tunnel,” then watch the video. It’s an after-Christmas miracle.

Find the “Savage Lovecast” every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.